To carry or not to carry...

Life is busy as it always seems to be. I haven't had much time for writing lately, at least on the computer. I have written many blogs since my last post in my head. Some while in the shower. Some while waiting to get Paige from school, some while slowly creeping down route 3 on my way to work in the morning. They were all fantastic posts, I assure you, it's a pity no one will ever read them! Or maybe I will eventually get them down on virtual paper.
Like the blog about backpacks. Ever notice how every mom seems to carry her kids backpack for them these days? Really? When I pick Paige up from school, she carries her backpack. It's hers. It's already on her back. Why take it off so I can carry it?
I know as her mom that I want to help her as much as I possibly can. I want to nurture her, take away her pain, make her life easy and care free. She is only 7 after all. But how does carrying your kids backpack, usually on their insistance, really help them?
The answer is it doesn't. Not that I never help her out. If she is carrying a project or has something else that she needs help with I will do what I can. But the day she saw another kid give her backpack to her mom, and turned to me and asked me if I would carry hers too, she got a firm no. I knew it wasn't heavy, she just didn't want to carry it. And the best way I could help her was to say no.
Don't wrinkle your nose at me. I know that many are guilty of this. It feels good to help right? It takes a load off for them. Isn't that a moms job? Well, I don't remember pack mule being on the job description. And I think it matters. It matters a lot. As small as it may seem.
It's all about responsibility. Being responsible for your own person and your own things. Too many cover for their kids in so many ways. These kids do not learn how be responsible because mom does it for them. Newsflash. This doesn't help them. This is how you end up with a 25-year old living in your basement.
I believe the best thing you can do to "help" your kids is to teach them to help themselves. In a respectful way. I am not saying leave them at home alone to cook and clean for themselves, but give them reasonable amounts of responsibility for their age and abilities. Little by little you need to give them independance. It helps them gain self-worth and gives them confidence, not arrogance, to move ahead.
I still catch myself doing things for Katie that she should be doing on her own. It's hard to let them grow up. But not allowing them to do so is a crime. Raising children requires a "big picture" strategy to be really successful. Sure, giving them the candy bar to stop the temper tantrum may seem like a great idea at the time...but what happens when they are 6 and still doing it?
I remember when I was pregnant with Paige, my neighbor asked how it felt to be raising a human. She then laughed and stated that would be a great name for a parenting book-"How to Raise a Human". She was never going to have children, and could see then the difference between those who raised "kids" and those who raised "humans". It scared me a little to think of it that way. So much responsibility not only to my own family, but to the community as a whole to raise a child that would grow to be someone who contributes positively to society. Us moms really do literally carry the weight (and future) of the world on our shoulders.
So the next time you are faced with a child who wants you to carry their backpack, think big picture. Choose to give them the right kind of "help", whatever that may be at that moment in time. And just imagine what the next generation can achieve if they can carry backpacks all by themselves.

Kristin