Never Forget.

NEVER FORGET.  Everyone keeps posting this sentiment today, as it marks the 15^th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy.  I remember where I was that day, what I was doing, just like so many Americans.  I remember driving home from work with an uneasy feeling.  I remember thinking this will bring a new perspective to our lives.  Like so many of my generation, we had never really experienced war first hand.  Sure many of us knew someone who had gone to Iraq, but for so many of us we had lived life in a sheltered existence.  Always feeling safe.  Invincible.  When I was younger we were watching the news during dinner one night and a story about a hijacking in the Middle East was on.  I asked my dad if that could ever happen here in the US.  When he simply said no, I asked why not?  His response was that we are the strongest nation and would bomb the crap out of whoever was responsible.  I really did find comfort in those words.

There was no comfort in those words on the way home from work that day, however.  As I looked at the cars around me on Route 2, all returning to the suburbs after a long work day in the city, everyone had the same blank stare.  My thoughts began to come full circle at that moment.  I kept thinking that this will unite us, and bring us together.  For so long I looked around me and saw everyone rushing through life with their heads down, not even looking at their neighbor nevermind taking a moment to connect.  We were all connected to our inner circle, but no one else mattered.  I kept thinking-this will change, we will become communities again. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t take too long for this dream to fade.  And I must admit that as busy as I am, I am just as guilty as the next person at not taking the time to be part of the community.  I do try to be polite at all times.  Say thank you.  Be considerate of those around me.  But it saddens me to see this lacking in so many around us, especially as our divisions grow deeper through this election cycle.  We are repbulicans, we are democrats.  We are black lives matter, or police lives matter. Until we are simply AMERICANS who believe that ALL LIVES MATTER, nothing will change. 

So my question to you is this.  Never Forget.  Of course you won’t.  You couldn’t possibly forget.  Instead I want to ask HOW WILL IT CHANGE YOU?  How can we look back and use this to unite us?  We are broken as a nation.  How can we move forward?  Not with hate, but with a way to find common ground, to respect each other once again.  That is what I want to see come of all this.  One nation, under God.  Let’s see if we can find our way home.    

Too long

I just wrote a bit and lost it so I will keep this short-I have been super busy lately and ignoring this site, but I hope to return to it some day soon! Or at least keep the dry spells to more reasonable lengths of time!
To see one of my recent projects check out the link to my haunted ballerina photos!
Talk to you again soon, maybe after Christmas?
Kristin

Structure

Today is a fabulous day. Why? Because I have absolutely nothing planned for today. I have nothing I HAVE to do. Well, that is never true, there is always something, but nothing on my "be here at this time" list. Always being busy is probably the single most frustrating thing about being an adult. I remember in college that I couldn't wait to get a job because I thought it would mean that I didn't always have something to do on my list. Like homework. My mom just laughed at me. She was right.
Our lives are so structured, it is a relief to have that down time. That time to just use your imagination and do what you want to do. Let your mind wander. Relax your brain. This type of unstructured time is slipping away from society so fast these days. No longer is it OK for the kids to run down to the local park and play a pick up game of ball. It's just not safe. As a mom I understand this, but it's a shame none the less.
Everything is organized for kids. It's soccer league, dance class, music lessons and karate. I think there is tremendous value in these activities, but only in reasonable doses. Many children are so scheduled they have no time to really play. And play is so very important. It's how kids destress, learn to interact with society and exercise both their muscles and their creative power.
But play has come under attack recently, and at the most revered institution for play. Recess.
I sat in disbelief watching the news the other night while they were covering a story about a town who recently replaced traditional recess with structured activities. I was dumbfounded. Their arguement? They were having such a hard time with bullying at the school that they decided to remove all opportunity for it by forcing all the kids to play supervised games. I do agree that bullying is a serious problem that needs to be addressed, but removing free play from the school day is a bandaid fix on a broken arm that will just make things worse for these kids as they grow older.
For those that bully, how will they ever learn to control themselves? If they are no longer bullying at school, will they take it to the internet? Will they bully their little brother more at home? These kids are not being taught how to deal with the issue at hand. It is being pushed aside and will manifest in other ways. They need to be given tools to learn to modify their behavior, not supress it. Parents, like in the good old days, need to teach their children to be accepting of others. I don't condone the discipline methods of the 50s, but I do condone the parental involvement. I want to know what's going on at school. And if my kid gives another a hard time, it's a formal apology to the student and their parents. Plus a few extra chores at home. These kids are going to find another outlet for their aggression, and it's not necessarily going to be a positive one.
For those that are being bullied, how are they ever going to learn to stand up for themselves? That is a lifelong skill that is invaluable as you wind your way through work life and personal relationships. I certainly feel terrible for bullied children, and don't think anyone should have to suffer through that. And it is at times taken to the point of extremes where true harm is done. However, the majority of bullying is run-of-the-mill part of growing up. Again, I am not condoning this behaviour, but a child who can face this and learn to deal with it is better prepared for that potentially abusive boyfriend or getting their voices heard at work. What these kids need, like the bullies, is to be given the tools to deal with people. In this case, it's those who are going to treat them disrespectfully. How are they going to develop the confidence to stand up to bullies later in life?
Of course for all this learning to happen, there needs to be responsible adults around who will work with the children to make sure it is handled appropriately. There was a tragic turn of events recently in a local town where a bullied high school girl committed suicide. The students are being held criminally responsible, but what about the teachers and administrators who chose to look the other way? How about the parents? It was reported that a group of students and teachers witnessed a bullying event involving this girl on school grounds shortly before the suicide. They are the real culprits in my mind, all choosing to look the other way.
I do not think that creating a structured recess will fix the problem that bullying creates. It is just neatly sweeping it under the rug. Proponents claim that they are seeing less bullying, less arguments, and fewer injuries on the playground. The kids are learning sportsmanship and how to take turns. Call me crazy but I thought we already had a class for that. It's called gym. And getting scrapped knees and having a fight with your best friend is all part of growing up. No one likes to see their kids getting hurt, but it's part of life. They don't live in bubbles. And someday, when they go off to college, they need to be able to care for themselves. How on Earth are they going to handle all that freedom when they have never had it before?
And my biggest worry of all-creativity. We are taking a generation of Americans, the great thought and innovation leaders of our world, and structuring their entire lives. Without free play time how are they going to foster those creative skills? Who is going write the next great novel, create the next forward thinking art or design the newest space structure? Not our country. Free activity is bad. You might get hurt. You might fail. Follow the laid out plan instead. It's much safer.
So if you are looking for me today, you might find me cleaning the house, or watching a movie, or enjoying the beautiful weather with kids. And those kids? Today they have free reign of the yard. They might be barefoot. They might be coloring with chalk on the driveway. They might be pretending to be space explorers riding the playhouse to the moon. They might crash later and watch a movie. I don't really care what they do today. As long as they stay in our yard where I can see them.
Kristin

Sunshine on a rainy day

Everything has been feeling really blah lately. There has been so much rain that it has dampened not only the ground but my mood as well. I am a person who needs sunshine. Both literally and figuratively.
Today I found a bit of relief. For quite some time now I have been suffering from a bulging disk in my back. I know it sounds painful. Trust me, it is. The back pain is bad enough, but add to it some sharp nerve pain down the leg and it is close to debilitating. Even more difficult to handle, however, is the frustration. Listening to all the health care debate while laid up on your back for a month is very frustrating. Who can help me? I didn't know.
When I first started having trouble I was very hesitant to go to my Doctor. I like her, but I just never feel like I can get anywhere with one. Like they are just listing diseases on a big dart board, close their eyes, throw the dart, and diagnose by where the hole is made on the circle. I hate paying a copay just to hear them spout jargon that really means "I don't know what is wrong with you." So I put it off until the day I was sitting in the living room, not really able to move, and reduced to tears.
Fortunately I did get in to see her and an MRI was ordered. That was how they found the bulging disk at L5. Great! Now I know what is wrong! It can be addressed! I was so happy to know what it was. Then I had to make an appointment with a neurosurgeon-but they couldn't see me for 6 weeks. Yep. 6 weeks. Really? I had to suffer that long? Did they know I could barely function? Frustrated again.
I am really fortunate to work for a company that is flexible and I was able to work from home for the greater part of February. And my husband, family and friends are so helpful. I even had one friend save me a chair at the dance studio so I could sit comfortably, and another offer herself to me for anything I needed, even though she owns a business and is one of the busiest people I know. Such simple, kind, generous acts were everywhere and helped me get through. I push myself more than I should, but I know that they are all there for me, for anything I may need.
But yet again, I got to a point of total frustration, and called my Dr for another visit. I couldn't sit. I couldn't stand. I couldn't play with my kids. I got by, but not easily. We found that I had lost some reflexes and so we decided to go to Lahey. I got an appointment the next day. Yes, the next day. Why it took so long to make that decision I'll never know but it was the best decision I had made that whole time. The NP I saw was great and she educated me and gave me something for the pain and to reduce the swelling. It just takes time she said. These things heal by themselves but it takes time. Three months at least.
So I keep resting. Stretching a bit. I am seeing a chiropractor and that is helping, but she is out of town this week. So she suggested I make an appointment with the massage therapist. Sounded good to me so I did.
Well, after all the medication, the resting, the stretching, the adjustments, this half-hour $40 massage seems to have made all the difference! Not that I am cured. Not that I won't be sore again tomorrow. But for about 3 hours now, I have felt normal. I almost forgot what that was like. Normal. As in no pain. I actually stood in the kitchen and made a sandwich and didn't wince even once. It's a miracle. It's my sunshine for this rainy day.
Kristin

Validation

Artistic validation. It's a great feeling. And I am fortunate enough to have gotten some a few weeks ago.

In early January my camera club went on a field trip to a local national park. I didn't even know it was there. It was an old cotton mill that used to make fabrics. We toured several mill buildings and it was so interesting to learn all the history that was so close to my home. And the photography opportunities were amazing. I so rarely get to shoot just for me these days. Time is going by so quickly and I have so many irons in the fire. It almost seems silly to keep shooting at all sometimes, I'll never catch up on my editing. But I decided this would be fun and Mark was willing to watch the kids for me while I went out to shoot.

It was the most fun I had with camera in hand in a very long time. It was so different, yet all the techniques and rules were the same. Trying to capture history, when I am so used to trying to capture the present, was a real step outside of the box. Challenge is good, and a new perspective helps keep you on your toes.

I always try to see something different through my lens, take that shot that no one else has seen. That was difficult with about 12 of us hanging out shooting in the same spaces, but I managed a few that I think were fairly unique. Part of the reason for the field trip was to get more entries for the local photography contest that the park was running. I was happy with some of my shots so I thought, what the heck, I'll throw a few in there too.

Well, lucky me, one of my images was picked as a finalist! I was so excited when Mark texted me the great news. Over 450 images were entered and mine is one of 20 now hanging on the wall of the museum.

I have been working hard on my photography over the past few years, and have received many compliments from friends and family. I am lucky enough to have tons of support and an endless supply of willing models through various friends and the studio! I love hearing that they like my work, but to hear it from someone that I am not related to, or friends with, really meant something to me. It sparked a drive, and an enthusiasm to continue on. It gave me validation.

I am not even sure why validation is important, but it is. Art is so subjective. I could love something and someone else could hate it. That is just the way it is. I try to look at things as whether or not I like it. If I like it that should be enough. But it's hard sometimes not to get frustrated, especially when an image I am happy with doesn't score well at camera club, or a shot I adore from a portrait session isn't purchased. Just part of the package I guess.

So here it is. My first museum piece of art. I'd love to know what you think of it! Please just don't copy it! :)!



Thanks for listening...
Kristin

Morality

Facebook may be trivial at most times, but lately I have been seeing some thought provoking posts. Yes, even social networking can spark civic debate. Today I am thinking about morality. And that maybe our founding fathers, who got most everything right, got one thing wrong.

Even when I was really young, I remember thinking, if our country was founded on the separation of church and state, why does our pledge of allegiance reference God? Why does our money say "In God we trust"? Why do you swear on the holy bible when you are in court? I just sort of shrugged and didn't think much more of it. I was way more of a math and science geek than into politics, or history.

But over the last 15 or so years I've grown more and more interested in politics. I find it really interesting and am forming some political views of my own. If I had to classify myself, I'd call myself a liberal Republican. A year ago I would have said a conservative Democrat. I just haven't been liking what I see of the Democratic party lately. Arrogance. And ignorance. I didn't vote for Obama, which is probably a shocker to most of my friends, but would have loved to have voted for my first choice of democratic candidates.

I tend to lean left, maybe way left, on human rights issues. Abortion, gay marriage, privacy, women's equality, I am more liberal. When we start talking money though I shift way to the right. I support work programs instead of welfare and teaching people to be independant in general. No handouts here. I recognize a difference between a person hitting upon bad times, and a person who feels entitled, and only want my hard earned tax money to help the former get back on their feet.

So rewind to my life in Maine, which now seems so very long ago. OK, it was long ago. About 15 years, I was right out of college. I went to Bar Harbor's tiny town hall to vote. I don't remember what I was voting for, but on my way out a sweet old lady (SOL) asked me to sign her petition.

Me: What's it for?
SOL: To prevent civil unions.
Me: Oh, so like people can't screw over insurance companies and people will have to get married to get coverage?
SOL: No, to prevent gay and lesbian marriages
Me: Oh, why do you want to do that?
SOL: Because the bible says a man and a woman
Me: You can't use that argument. Separation of Church and State. Any other reason?
SOL: The bible.....
Me: Sorry, this is America, I can't sign your petition
SOL: Humpf.

This whole concept of same sex marriage has recently come up again and I've for a long time now felt it was an issue of tolerance. After all, if two people can be happy together, why shouldn't they be able to commit to each other and share all the rights and titles that straight couples enjoy? It's not a lifestyle I would chose for myself but how does it really hurt me if someone else does choose it? On the grand scale, I don't think it does, so I say live and let live.

But those opposed feel like this is a moral shortfall of society. That it somehow will weaken us. It goes against their moral fiber. And as I said earlier, I have always looked at this as a simple issue of intolerance. And as an issue that involves separation of church and state.

So here I am now, thinking about this issue again, and begin to see a flaw in separation of church and state. Is it truely possible? Is it absolutely attainable? Or is it a great concept, but impossible to acheive? I'm not so sure anymore.

That's where morality comes in. Our laws are based on morality. But where does one get their morals? Most often, from their religious beliefs. So how, in a melting pot that is supposed to be accepting of all religions, do you come up with a set of laws that is acceptable to all citizens, and is free from religious influence?

You can't. And that is why this issue, among others, exists today. Everyone is coming at it from an angle that stems from their religious beliefs....their morals. And everyone has a different set of morals.

So as forward-thinking as our founding fathers were, I think they could not see this coming. Yes, I think putting references to God in many of our national symbols and sayings was short-sighted. It means something to me. But not to my neighbor who does not believe in God. What good does it do an aetheist to swear to tell the truth on the bible? Not much. These references are now there, and part of our history, so I do not believe they should be removed. However I do feel that there is hipocracy in the fact they are so ever present, and makes me wonder if a true separation of church and state is actually achievable. The more I think of it, the harder it is for me to say yes.

Kristin

To carry or not to carry...

Life is busy as it always seems to be. I haven't had much time for writing lately, at least on the computer. I have written many blogs since my last post in my head. Some while in the shower. Some while waiting to get Paige from school, some while slowly creeping down route 3 on my way to work in the morning. They were all fantastic posts, I assure you, it's a pity no one will ever read them! Or maybe I will eventually get them down on virtual paper.
Like the blog about backpacks. Ever notice how every mom seems to carry her kids backpack for them these days? Really? When I pick Paige up from school, she carries her backpack. It's hers. It's already on her back. Why take it off so I can carry it?
I know as her mom that I want to help her as much as I possibly can. I want to nurture her, take away her pain, make her life easy and care free. She is only 7 after all. But how does carrying your kids backpack, usually on their insistance, really help them?
The answer is it doesn't. Not that I never help her out. If she is carrying a project or has something else that she needs help with I will do what I can. But the day she saw another kid give her backpack to her mom, and turned to me and asked me if I would carry hers too, she got a firm no. I knew it wasn't heavy, she just didn't want to carry it. And the best way I could help her was to say no.
Don't wrinkle your nose at me. I know that many are guilty of this. It feels good to help right? It takes a load off for them. Isn't that a moms job? Well, I don't remember pack mule being on the job description. And I think it matters. It matters a lot. As small as it may seem.
It's all about responsibility. Being responsible for your own person and your own things. Too many cover for their kids in so many ways. These kids do not learn how be responsible because mom does it for them. Newsflash. This doesn't help them. This is how you end up with a 25-year old living in your basement.
I believe the best thing you can do to "help" your kids is to teach them to help themselves. In a respectful way. I am not saying leave them at home alone to cook and clean for themselves, but give them reasonable amounts of responsibility for their age and abilities. Little by little you need to give them independance. It helps them gain self-worth and gives them confidence, not arrogance, to move ahead.
I still catch myself doing things for Katie that she should be doing on her own. It's hard to let them grow up. But not allowing them to do so is a crime. Raising children requires a "big picture" strategy to be really successful. Sure, giving them the candy bar to stop the temper tantrum may seem like a great idea at the time...but what happens when they are 6 and still doing it?
I remember when I was pregnant with Paige, my neighbor asked how it felt to be raising a human. She then laughed and stated that would be a great name for a parenting book-"How to Raise a Human". She was never going to have children, and could see then the difference between those who raised "kids" and those who raised "humans". It scared me a little to think of it that way. So much responsibility not only to my own family, but to the community as a whole to raise a child that would grow to be someone who contributes positively to society. Us moms really do literally carry the weight (and future) of the world on our shoulders.
So the next time you are faced with a child who wants you to carry their backpack, think big picture. Choose to give them the right kind of "help", whatever that may be at that moment in time. And just imagine what the next generation can achieve if they can carry backpacks all by themselves.

Kristin