Structure

Today is a fabulous day. Why? Because I have absolutely nothing planned for today. I have nothing I HAVE to do. Well, that is never true, there is always something, but nothing on my "be here at this time" list. Always being busy is probably the single most frustrating thing about being an adult. I remember in college that I couldn't wait to get a job because I thought it would mean that I didn't always have something to do on my list. Like homework. My mom just laughed at me. She was right.
Our lives are so structured, it is a relief to have that down time. That time to just use your imagination and do what you want to do. Let your mind wander. Relax your brain. This type of unstructured time is slipping away from society so fast these days. No longer is it OK for the kids to run down to the local park and play a pick up game of ball. It's just not safe. As a mom I understand this, but it's a shame none the less.
Everything is organized for kids. It's soccer league, dance class, music lessons and karate. I think there is tremendous value in these activities, but only in reasonable doses. Many children are so scheduled they have no time to really play. And play is so very important. It's how kids destress, learn to interact with society and exercise both their muscles and their creative power.
But play has come under attack recently, and at the most revered institution for play. Recess.
I sat in disbelief watching the news the other night while they were covering a story about a town who recently replaced traditional recess with structured activities. I was dumbfounded. Their arguement? They were having such a hard time with bullying at the school that they decided to remove all opportunity for it by forcing all the kids to play supervised games. I do agree that bullying is a serious problem that needs to be addressed, but removing free play from the school day is a bandaid fix on a broken arm that will just make things worse for these kids as they grow older.
For those that bully, how will they ever learn to control themselves? If they are no longer bullying at school, will they take it to the internet? Will they bully their little brother more at home? These kids are not being taught how to deal with the issue at hand. It is being pushed aside and will manifest in other ways. They need to be given tools to learn to modify their behavior, not supress it. Parents, like in the good old days, need to teach their children to be accepting of others. I don't condone the discipline methods of the 50s, but I do condone the parental involvement. I want to know what's going on at school. And if my kid gives another a hard time, it's a formal apology to the student and their parents. Plus a few extra chores at home. These kids are going to find another outlet for their aggression, and it's not necessarily going to be a positive one.
For those that are being bullied, how are they ever going to learn to stand up for themselves? That is a lifelong skill that is invaluable as you wind your way through work life and personal relationships. I certainly feel terrible for bullied children, and don't think anyone should have to suffer through that. And it is at times taken to the point of extremes where true harm is done. However, the majority of bullying is run-of-the-mill part of growing up. Again, I am not condoning this behaviour, but a child who can face this and learn to deal with it is better prepared for that potentially abusive boyfriend or getting their voices heard at work. What these kids need, like the bullies, is to be given the tools to deal with people. In this case, it's those who are going to treat them disrespectfully. How are they going to develop the confidence to stand up to bullies later in life?
Of course for all this learning to happen, there needs to be responsible adults around who will work with the children to make sure it is handled appropriately. There was a tragic turn of events recently in a local town where a bullied high school girl committed suicide. The students are being held criminally responsible, but what about the teachers and administrators who chose to look the other way? How about the parents? It was reported that a group of students and teachers witnessed a bullying event involving this girl on school grounds shortly before the suicide. They are the real culprits in my mind, all choosing to look the other way.
I do not think that creating a structured recess will fix the problem that bullying creates. It is just neatly sweeping it under the rug. Proponents claim that they are seeing less bullying, less arguments, and fewer injuries on the playground. The kids are learning sportsmanship and how to take turns. Call me crazy but I thought we already had a class for that. It's called gym. And getting scrapped knees and having a fight with your best friend is all part of growing up. No one likes to see their kids getting hurt, but it's part of life. They don't live in bubbles. And someday, when they go off to college, they need to be able to care for themselves. How on Earth are they going to handle all that freedom when they have never had it before?
And my biggest worry of all-creativity. We are taking a generation of Americans, the great thought and innovation leaders of our world, and structuring their entire lives. Without free play time how are they going to foster those creative skills? Who is going write the next great novel, create the next forward thinking art or design the newest space structure? Not our country. Free activity is bad. You might get hurt. You might fail. Follow the laid out plan instead. It's much safer.
So if you are looking for me today, you might find me cleaning the house, or watching a movie, or enjoying the beautiful weather with kids. And those kids? Today they have free reign of the yard. They might be barefoot. They might be coloring with chalk on the driveway. They might be pretending to be space explorers riding the playhouse to the moon. They might crash later and watch a movie. I don't really care what they do today. As long as they stay in our yard where I can see them.
Kristin