Morality

Facebook may be trivial at most times, but lately I have been seeing some thought provoking posts. Yes, even social networking can spark civic debate. Today I am thinking about morality. And that maybe our founding fathers, who got most everything right, got one thing wrong.

Even when I was really young, I remember thinking, if our country was founded on the separation of church and state, why does our pledge of allegiance reference God? Why does our money say "In God we trust"? Why do you swear on the holy bible when you are in court? I just sort of shrugged and didn't think much more of it. I was way more of a math and science geek than into politics, or history.

But over the last 15 or so years I've grown more and more interested in politics. I find it really interesting and am forming some political views of my own. If I had to classify myself, I'd call myself a liberal Republican. A year ago I would have said a conservative Democrat. I just haven't been liking what I see of the Democratic party lately. Arrogance. And ignorance. I didn't vote for Obama, which is probably a shocker to most of my friends, but would have loved to have voted for my first choice of democratic candidates.

I tend to lean left, maybe way left, on human rights issues. Abortion, gay marriage, privacy, women's equality, I am more liberal. When we start talking money though I shift way to the right. I support work programs instead of welfare and teaching people to be independant in general. No handouts here. I recognize a difference between a person hitting upon bad times, and a person who feels entitled, and only want my hard earned tax money to help the former get back on their feet.

So rewind to my life in Maine, which now seems so very long ago. OK, it was long ago. About 15 years, I was right out of college. I went to Bar Harbor's tiny town hall to vote. I don't remember what I was voting for, but on my way out a sweet old lady (SOL) asked me to sign her petition.

Me: What's it for?
SOL: To prevent civil unions.
Me: Oh, so like people can't screw over insurance companies and people will have to get married to get coverage?
SOL: No, to prevent gay and lesbian marriages
Me: Oh, why do you want to do that?
SOL: Because the bible says a man and a woman
Me: You can't use that argument. Separation of Church and State. Any other reason?
SOL: The bible.....
Me: Sorry, this is America, I can't sign your petition
SOL: Humpf.

This whole concept of same sex marriage has recently come up again and I've for a long time now felt it was an issue of tolerance. After all, if two people can be happy together, why shouldn't they be able to commit to each other and share all the rights and titles that straight couples enjoy? It's not a lifestyle I would chose for myself but how does it really hurt me if someone else does choose it? On the grand scale, I don't think it does, so I say live and let live.

But those opposed feel like this is a moral shortfall of society. That it somehow will weaken us. It goes against their moral fiber. And as I said earlier, I have always looked at this as a simple issue of intolerance. And as an issue that involves separation of church and state.

So here I am now, thinking about this issue again, and begin to see a flaw in separation of church and state. Is it truely possible? Is it absolutely attainable? Or is it a great concept, but impossible to acheive? I'm not so sure anymore.

That's where morality comes in. Our laws are based on morality. But where does one get their morals? Most often, from their religious beliefs. So how, in a melting pot that is supposed to be accepting of all religions, do you come up with a set of laws that is acceptable to all citizens, and is free from religious influence?

You can't. And that is why this issue, among others, exists today. Everyone is coming at it from an angle that stems from their religious beliefs....their morals. And everyone has a different set of morals.

So as forward-thinking as our founding fathers were, I think they could not see this coming. Yes, I think putting references to God in many of our national symbols and sayings was short-sighted. It means something to me. But not to my neighbor who does not believe in God. What good does it do an aetheist to swear to tell the truth on the bible? Not much. These references are now there, and part of our history, so I do not believe they should be removed. However I do feel that there is hipocracy in the fact they are so ever present, and makes me wonder if a true separation of church and state is actually achievable. The more I think of it, the harder it is for me to say yes.

Kristin

To carry or not to carry...

Life is busy as it always seems to be. I haven't had much time for writing lately, at least on the computer. I have written many blogs since my last post in my head. Some while in the shower. Some while waiting to get Paige from school, some while slowly creeping down route 3 on my way to work in the morning. They were all fantastic posts, I assure you, it's a pity no one will ever read them! Or maybe I will eventually get them down on virtual paper.
Like the blog about backpacks. Ever notice how every mom seems to carry her kids backpack for them these days? Really? When I pick Paige up from school, she carries her backpack. It's hers. It's already on her back. Why take it off so I can carry it?
I know as her mom that I want to help her as much as I possibly can. I want to nurture her, take away her pain, make her life easy and care free. She is only 7 after all. But how does carrying your kids backpack, usually on their insistance, really help them?
The answer is it doesn't. Not that I never help her out. If she is carrying a project or has something else that she needs help with I will do what I can. But the day she saw another kid give her backpack to her mom, and turned to me and asked me if I would carry hers too, she got a firm no. I knew it wasn't heavy, she just didn't want to carry it. And the best way I could help her was to say no.
Don't wrinkle your nose at me. I know that many are guilty of this. It feels good to help right? It takes a load off for them. Isn't that a moms job? Well, I don't remember pack mule being on the job description. And I think it matters. It matters a lot. As small as it may seem.
It's all about responsibility. Being responsible for your own person and your own things. Too many cover for their kids in so many ways. These kids do not learn how be responsible because mom does it for them. Newsflash. This doesn't help them. This is how you end up with a 25-year old living in your basement.
I believe the best thing you can do to "help" your kids is to teach them to help themselves. In a respectful way. I am not saying leave them at home alone to cook and clean for themselves, but give them reasonable amounts of responsibility for their age and abilities. Little by little you need to give them independance. It helps them gain self-worth and gives them confidence, not arrogance, to move ahead.
I still catch myself doing things for Katie that she should be doing on her own. It's hard to let them grow up. But not allowing them to do so is a crime. Raising children requires a "big picture" strategy to be really successful. Sure, giving them the candy bar to stop the temper tantrum may seem like a great idea at the time...but what happens when they are 6 and still doing it?
I remember when I was pregnant with Paige, my neighbor asked how it felt to be raising a human. She then laughed and stated that would be a great name for a parenting book-"How to Raise a Human". She was never going to have children, and could see then the difference between those who raised "kids" and those who raised "humans". It scared me a little to think of it that way. So much responsibility not only to my own family, but to the community as a whole to raise a child that would grow to be someone who contributes positively to society. Us moms really do literally carry the weight (and future) of the world on our shoulders.
So the next time you are faced with a child who wants you to carry their backpack, think big picture. Choose to give them the right kind of "help", whatever that may be at that moment in time. And just imagine what the next generation can achieve if they can carry backpacks all by themselves.

Kristin